Daylight Savings--Gone!

I don't remember waking up. I just remember turning over in my bed after awhile and realizing, "Oh! I am awake." I stayed there a little longer, and finally leaned out of bed and reached on the floor for my phone. I start with the wall, reaching for the plug, then follow the cord to the phone. 3:37 a.m. Ugh. Then I remember that daylight savings time ended, and the phone had probably moved the time back already. So really it was like 4:37 a.m. Not too bad. I fell asleep before ten p.m. I check my facebook chat list (that I always have turned off, because I am shy), to see if anyone else had been up. It makes me feel less lonely. Then I dropped the phone, turned on my side and hoped for more sleep. It didn't come. Finally, I made my way downstairs for some cappuccino (I love that lack of guilt over calories when pregnant). The stove said 6:04, which I assumed meant it was now 5:04. 

I had my cappuccino. I went over my usual few spots on the internet. And now I sit here, desiring sleep, worried. 

Tierney said Jake is thinking about joining the air force. How exciting for them. How dreadful for me. I won't say a word if I can help it. It's not about me after all. But the tears will fill my eyes and my throat will catch, and the world will keep spinning. Tired. I should invite someone over. I should plan a meal, a brunch, a game night. But my body says, "No." So I curl up on the couch and watch the minutes tick by, and I remind myself that I will not be so tired forever. This baby will leave my body, and I will be my own again--well, eventually, nursing does take it toll. And the days tick by, some grey, some sunshine. And I don't know what to do. I don't know who to be. And I am tired. 

Haven't Done This in a While

The feeling started slowly, like a bubble making its way to the top of a jar of thick oil. Her breath caught, and she had to remind herself to breathe. Outside the morning bird was calling; inside the homey hum of electricity and central air was soothing. The feeling overrode the exhaustion, the daily worries, the anxious concerns for tomorrow. Before her the road was opening, widening as flowers bloomed before her eyes in Hollywood fashion. She was experienced enough to know feelings were transient.Grabbing the feeling and swimming in its delights and promises of the moment was the most she could do. And she shook away the nagging reminders and focused on the golden glow of that most wondrous of emotions. Hope.